FECK.

today is one of those days where knowing sign language would have come in pretty goddamn handy. okay so you know when something so crazy and disrupting happens and its just like 'uhh what the fuck just happened?' yeah. but i guess this was one of those things that just happen for a reason, ya know. it was like BAM. there he was. then the 10 minute ride home FECK FECK FECK. and i know i can tell myself i dont still care about him, its not true. i do. and i probably always will. goddamn buffalo, i wish it wasnt a place. but, as much as i do still care a little bit, today i picture myself in the shotgun seat instead of her, and i see him driving next to me. I see myself and i see that i am okay, but not ecstatically happy, the way a relationship should make you feel. he was fun. and he too seems happy with her, which means me+him=not so happy. and he seems alot happier than he was when i was around. the wave/smile..haha. maybe it was because i was alone, or maybe he is truly making improvements, which we be awesome. and at the end of whatever it was we had i guess, he treated me a little like shit. so. im okay. im good. i can move on. i deserve better [hopefully]. but either way the new girl is fecking frumpy, haha not gonna lie. im not saying im pretty im just saying, dear god i hope im not like that... but yeah. at peace. so the half hour of freaking out was worth it. and not to say i wont jump a little when i see him, or his name, or his motorcycle, but, now, i can honestly say that i dont think we belong together, it would not be a good idea or in the best interest of either of us. so i promise myself i will no longer talk about him and what once was or what happened today, because if i am truly over it, then it really isnt worth mentioning or talking about or freaking out about, right? and i no longer have a problem with buffalo. and zoe we need to learn sign language.