this is why.

what is this fucking world. mark i hate you. just putting it out there. but what follows has nothing to do with you.
but ugh. after i was questioned i got thinking and im pretty sure that the reason i dont want serious stuff is because im scared. i dont want a commitment because i cant promise i wont wake up tomorrow feeling differently about a person. yet, if i want a commitment i want someone to be able to do that for me. i want what i cant have and once i get it i dont want it. i think part of this lies within my not wanting to set myself up for disappointment. its like i dont want to put all this time and effort into something that someday will fail and come crashing down. i like best friends instead of boyfriends because with best friends you can have a huge fight and eventually make up and theyre always there. with boyfriends its like you break up after a huge fight and everythings over. theyre gone. and i hate goodbyes. and after having poured so much time and put so much trust in that one person, theyre gone. and youre left with empty space.