im trying to forget you. i really am. youre away, in college. with college girls and college problems. and we both know youre not strong enough to maintain a relationship long distance with all the pretty ladies. but its like i try to forget, and then i listen to a song and it reminds me of you and that night and the bubbles or the broom and the jokes and i laugh remembering everything until i begin to cry. and its weird because i still picture what my life would be like if you were in it. and like how scenarios would be. i miss you. and im thinking maybe if i picture the way i want things to be, they will actually be one day, just like it happened before.
children. they know how to make everything better. god i love those three boys so much. and theyre so good. i get now what they mean when they say there is nothing better than the love of a child. because seriously, i know they will love me no matter how i look or act or dress or how fucked up i am. they wont love me one day and hate me the next. they wont. theyll always want me or need me. and being with them just takes my mind off everything because im focusing on them and making them happy. ahha even if they call me jackie..close enough. please dont go to korea. im going to miss you so much. i wish you were mine.
i want to go back and be with the five of you. even if dad pisses me off and bugs the shit out of me and buys me expensive crap ill never use or wear. like a 300 dollar swimsuit. you guys make it all better. i love you so much.
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